Are you running from fear, or chasing the sparkly reward? What’s your driver? Chances are, that as a human, you’ll be driven by both. But which one is most dominant? 80-90% of what we do is unconscious so it can be easy to miss. If you struggle to identify, paying attention to how you feel at the beginning and the end of the day can be a good indicator to what’s going on behind the scenes. And when it comes to the fear or anxiety programme, here are some of the key signs:
Mind
- Going to bed thinking about all the things that still ‘need’ to be done
- Waking up thinking about everything that hasn’t yet been addressed
- Overthinking the current events of your life (the relationship you are in, where is it going, the gathering you went to, what you did or didn’t say, the work that you are doing, what hasn’t yet been done etc etc)
- Brain chat that sounds something like, ‘I’ve GOT to get this done…’ ‘I NEED’ to do xxx straight away’ ‘If I don’t do x, then…’ ‘There’s NOT ENOUGH time to…’
Body
Waking up in the morning with:
- A sense of urgency and a ‘need’ to get going
- A sense of tightness or whirring in the chest
- A feeling of being mobilised and hyper alert – feeling unable to sit still or start your day in a way that sets you up well
- Going to bed feeling unfulfilled by your day – a sense of lacking in accomplishment
Now these are not isolated to morning and evening but for many, these can be the easiest times to identify these patterns. Either way, the question is, what’s the antidote?
The T Word
Ultimately, it comes down to the T word. Trust. You gotta teach your nervous system and your brain to excel in the art of trust.
Because when the human brain goes overboard and spends all its time pushing forward simply to avoid some kind of impending catastrophe (which is the driver of all those lovely manifestations above), it is operating on a core belief that says ‘something bad is going to happen and things are not okay.’
Now when it comes to mastering the mischief of the brain, we have to remember that we really don’t care what is true in this world. Because the brain is tricky. And not only is it tricky but it is very convincing. So reality is hard to come by.
What we really care about is, is this USEFUL?
Going about your day with some unconscious belief that everything is going to come crashing down is NOT useful. It does NOT serve you. And it will NOT get you results.
And if you want to cling onto that belief, by all means go for it. But just ask yourself, has this got me the results I want so far? No. Any results you have created to date, have been IN SPITE of the fear programme, not because of it.
For the lovely cerebral types out there, again, you can argue this one with me. But the thing for you to know, my lovely cerebral friend, is spending your life inside the four walls of that skull of yours is more often than not a threat response. The brain thinks that if it can overthink everything possible, then certainty, and therefore safety, will be achieved. But alas, it doesn’t quite work that way. Nerves that fire together wire together, which means the only outcome of this, is that you become more adept at that art of overthinking, whilst bearing no real results. (I’ve been there, so you can trust me on this one).
Are you ready?
So are you ready to learn the art of trust? To show your brain and your body that actually, it is safe to chill the F out when you rest in the warm nourishing space of trust.
Because when you strengthen that trust muscle, you connect to a deep sense of trust in who you are and how you show up in your life. You show up with conviction in your opinions and decisions. You know that there is no right or wrong, only the best available options, based on the best available resources that you have in front of you.
When you trust, you know that you can rely on yourself. And you know that whatever happens, you’ll figure it out.
Life isn’t perfect. Things don’t always go the way we want them to. But when we build that inner muscle of trust, we become our own anchor in life. And that is where we can find our inner sense of safety.
Building your trust muscle
So how to build the trust muscle? Well. What the brain looks for it finds more of. So, we gotta show it the way.
Get your notebook out. Now. And write down three headings:
- People I trust
- Things I know to be true.
- Times in my life when I have trusted (this could be decisions you have made, activities or hobbies that you are confident in, times when you have really believed in yourself.)
Under each heading write down as many examples of these categories as you can think of.
Once you have this, you have your ’brain food’ for training your brain in the art of trust. Pick one example at the beginning of each day, and really meditate on this particular example and feeling. Go deep into the experience of this example, so if it is someone you trust, bring them to mind and feel what it feels like to embody this sense of security in the presence of this person. If it is a decision you made, go back to this moment, notice where you were and BE in this moment. Really feel what it feels like to have this innate sense of trust in your decision.
What you are doing here, is activating neural pathways that trigger the chemistry of trust. Again, it’s like a bicep curl for your trust muscle. And if you want to make it stronger, imagine taking that feeling through your day with you. This adds another layer of power to your brain training by harnessing what is known as ‘expectation effect.’ The brain cannot tell the difference between imagination and reality, so here you are giving it a new story to work with.
So there you have it. You’ve got the why, and you’ve got the how. Now get those trust muscles flexing and get ready to enjoy the art of finally being able to chill the fuck out.